Friday, August 31, 2012

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


the elevator door opens to a family that looks a little like the family from the showtime tv show "shameless."  they're not nearly as attractive, of course, because they aren't on tv, but there's a certain resemblance.  it looks like two grandparents and four grandkids, one young adult, two pre-teens and a baby.

"where are we goin'?" the first one out, one of the preteens, asks.

"right here," says the young adult, pointing to the platform.

"oh my god, there is snot coming out of my nose," the first one exclaims, not more than six inches from me.

"yeah?" grandpa asks.  "you should see the drool running down your sister's back," he quips as grandma rolls his wheelchair into place.  the other pre-teen is holding the baby up on her shoulder.

"ewwww," the first one intones.

"that's not drool," the young adult notices as she wipes the dripping substance from the baby's nose.

Friday, August 24, 2012

i have a dog. give me money.

i'm usually ambivalent about panhandlers on the train.  everyone gets dealt a bad hand once in a while and could use some sympathy; but this IS los fucking angeles, not known for a low cost of living and full of folks in no position to be charitable.  not to mention, if the enterprisingly fraudulent souls on the train whose conversations i overhear are to be believed, getting food stamps ain't too hard and neither is faking out social security about the learning disability someone (preferably a child) in your family may or may not have.

now, when a panhandler carries a small dog onto a train, obviously not well fed, crusty shit all comin out its eyes, there is no ambivalence.  all i think is "you worthless piece of shit."  this is not to say homeless people in general shouldn't have dogs.  i feel quite the contrary about that, in fact.  cesar millan and downtown dog rescue have noted that some of the most well-adjusted dogs they've come across are with homeless people.  but when you're clearly exploiting them for money, trying to get sympathy donations out of the "poor dog" crowd that can't see through your bullshit, you're just gonna have to deal with whatever contempt i throw your way.

as great as a photo would be, for my own safety's sake, i don't take pictures when i see this happening.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

casanova failure

like a scene from bad bus rides everywhere, a man gets on and sits down next to the finest lady on the bus.  immediately, his moves and her parries are pretty self-evident.  he's obviously complimenting her and she replies with gratitude devoid of excitement.  of course, his car is in the shop and he's just tryin to find a way to san pedro.  to my surprise, he doesn't mention what kind of car it is (mercedes seems to be the popular pick, even in cadillacville).

unfortunately, he makes a mistake next that many an aspiring casanova has.  he tries to exert his authoritative knowledge.  "the 550 only go to 37th now.  it used to go all the way to west l.a."

"doesn't the expo line pick up some of that route?" she asks, no stranger to the routes herself.

"it don't go to half the places the 550 used to." he then proceeds to name about half a dozen intersections that the old route used to service, but are no longer serviced by the expo line.

"maybe there weren't enough riders on the 550," she suggests.

"oh there were lots of riders, especially during the day."

do you see the mistake yet?  in my mind, i'm thinking, "that is one broke-down, broke-ass hooptie if you feel confident enough to throw out bus ridership patterns.  are you sure you ever drive?  you sure do know a lot about that 550."

she continues to thwart his advances.  i notice she's tellin some lies of her own to prevent any stalking.  she said she only takes the bus once in a while to visit a friend.  we ride this bus together most days, but i understand the need to fib, especially to a stranger.

finally, the clincher.  "i have a boyfiend.  we've been together three years."  i don't know whether to believe her or not.

it's my stop so i don't get to see he continuation or potential end of this conversation.  i'd put money on a little "what's your man got to do with me?  i'm not tryin to hear that see," being thrown around.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

up in smoke

i'm breaking my post-twice-a-week schedule to bring you a very special house.  this house was featured in the movie up in smoke as strawberry's house.  it also featured in this blog, with me lamenting the condition of its exterior cleanliness.  well, now it's for sale.

(Photos taken from agent's Redfin listing)
i'd really hate for this house to go to owners who will treat the entire yard as a garbage dump/horde, so i'm hoping someone who reads this will be able to point someone who respects the unique history of this house to buy it.  given what i saw of the exterior, i'm pretty amazed at the condition of the interior.  a lot of original features are intact, including lots of unpainted woodwork, pocket doors, a fireplace mantle, wainscoting and, of course, the turrets.

so, if you love this house or "up in smoke" as much as i do, tell any househunting friends of your's in los angeles to have a look.

Friday, August 17, 2012


everyone knows that taking public transportation helps the environment by using less energy per passenger-mile traveled than driving solo.  but did you also know that by funding public transportation, we are also funding recycling efforts?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

sun block

sometimes, there is a need to protect yourself from the direct beams of light shot at you from the sun.

sometimes there is not.  i can't imagine that holding a jacket like that would actually cool a person off.  i would probably end up actually sweating even more.  but if i honestly believed the reward for that sweat is not getting skin cancer, maybe i'd do it.  but wait!  what about that left forearm!  ahhhhhh!

Friday, August 10, 2012

non-refrigerated yogurt transport

that looks tiring, doesn't it?  sometimes on a crowded train, you don't get the luxury of sitting down though.  you can't read the box labels in this picture because i didn't have my iphone tripod mount with me this day, but it says "yogurt."  turns out him staying on the train for only one stop was good for both his arms and the eventual yogurt recipients getting a non-spoiled product.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

nerd 49

a clear indication that nerd oppression has hit all-time lows.  i'm happy about this, of course, but i wonder what makes nerd49 think s/he is a nerd.  also, is there a nerd36 out there?  or perhaps a nerdpi or nerdavogadro?  or maybe the 49 refers to the square of the number of characters in "nerd 49" (it does look like there's a space, doesn't it?).  but what would that mean?  for each letter in "nerd 49" there's another phrase of exactly 7 characters?  maybe we have a master scrabble player (but there are no numbers in scrabble).  or is 49 some underground nerd slang i don't know about?  maybe a fan fiction author or pwn palace regular?

wait, wait, graffiti artists usually like sports.  49 is the 49ers probably.  though raiders fans are more common amongst graffiti-writers, maybe that's what makes nerd49 a nerd.  49ers sought gold.  i got it!  nerd49 is rich.

no, no, that can't be quite right.  so many questions, so little time.

Friday, August 3, 2012

little objects

i've had a few posts of the "weird big object brought on train" variety.  here are a couple of "weird little objects brought on train" pictures.

usually i only see instruments outside their cases on the train if they're being played for change.  this guy has "weird collector" written all over him, but he's also got "beleaguered teacher" written all over him too.  maybe i should have saved this as a brain teaser.

i'm not sure if i find this pair of hands acting as a hair holder creepy or clever.  from my peripheral vision, its creepy because i think there's a small fairy being enslaved for cosmetic purposes.  looked at directly, however, it's kind of clever because a fairy would never wear such a tacky set of pearls on her wrist.